Some people—not all, but some—have experienced the emotions that come from giving Santa a list of toys/video games they want for Christmas, and when Christmas came around they either got some or none of what they’d asked for. The anger and sadness that resulted is a disappointment as we were conditioned to believe that we were entitled to those gifts. Seriously, we all were. I remember one year I got all A’s, I wasn’t ever absent from school, I was Student Of The Year… the whole nine yards, and then some—but I didn’t get my Sega Genesis. I did what I was supposed to do, so naturally, I expected to get what I “earned.”
Reality sets in when you become older and discover that entitlement is a falsehood. You and I, and everyone else in the world, aren’t entitled to a thing. This has naturally become a problem for a lot of guys, as they believe that because they’re a “nice guy,” that Santa is supposed to drop a hot girl right into their naked lap. If that doesn’t work with your job, with money, with the lottery, with sweepstakes and contests…rest assured it will not work with women.
Commandment IX: Thou Shalt Not Feel Entitled
Understand that there’s more show in strength by accepting rejection than there is in asking “why?” There are a lot of logic bombs that can be hashed out if questioned when she “let’s you down easily,” and quite frankly, I don’t agree with it, as it’s usually a lie; but let’s not get hung up on that. Let’s focus on the simple fact that no one is entitled to anyone else’s time.
Which Means…
It’s important not to “trip” if she doesn’t get back to you right away (like the gentleman above), or if she says that she’s not interested/on the same page as you are. People come and go. Women come and go. Men come and go. What should remain constant is how one conducts themselves. By keeping constant and consistent, one reduces the amount of time that is spent wasting effort in someone who may be too busy or too disinterested.
And Secondly…
Understand that she’s not entitled to keep you as a friend. Briefly tackling the “friend zone,” I will say that it is a figment of men’s (and women’s) imagination. You’re not obligated to stay around after making your case of being (dis)interested, and in that way, the opposite sex can oftentimes feel entitled as well. Always remember, consistency and going with the flow are interconnected, and will almost always keep one in check so they do not feel entitled to the other person’s time, affection …or something extra.
Along Those Same Lines…
Guys (and girls), this has to be said: it is in poor taste to assume that because you’ve paid for something, usually a meal or a drink, that the person is now obligated to speak to you in any capacity. Also, touch is not a commodity which can be bartered either. This is another form of entitlement. We’ve all been desensitized to this, usually by the smooth gentleman trope in a movie or a television show who buys a drink for a lady “across the bar.” He raises his glass to signify “cheers,” and she smiles. If he’s lucky enough (he’s always lucky enough, damn it), she walks over to him, finding herself intrigued by his incognito nature. However, there is an important point that we all missed in that exchange, and that point is that she was free to make the choice of whether or not she spoke with him—and if she hadn’t, he wouldn’t have been bothered that she didn’t, or at least he was smooth enough to play off his annoyance at crashing and burning. How does this apply to tinder talking and flirting? Easy: if in a conversation you find yourself giving her compliments, it’s not a give-and-take thing, so if you plan on playing Go Fish, you’d best bring a deck of cards.
Final Thoughts
There are so many instances of when under-appreciation, quid-pro-quo, and entitlement lead what would be an awesomely flirtatious and otherwise enjoyable conversation or encounter astray. The key is to always be aware of what it is you deserve—and that’s nothing.
Not yet, at least. Think of this particular point as a crucible, and once you burn away all of the excess, all of the cultural programming that has led us down this road of believing that we deserve shit just because we’re on Santa’s “Nice” list, the more awesome gifts we’ll receive, and not a lump of coal!
Read the entire list of Tinder tips here:
Commandment X
Commandment IX
Commandment VIII
Commandment VII
Commandment VI
Commandment V
Commandment IV
Commandment III
Commandment II
Commandment I
