The Best, Real Sex Toy Reviews Ever: NSFW

real sex toy review

The ability to review products online has proved extremely beneficial to consumers. Sometimes, however, user reviews can be surprisingly entertaining. We’ve gathered together some of the best sex toy reviews from around the web for your reading pleasure.

real funny sex toy review

Returning Customer

real world sex toy review

“Was more than pleased with the results. I assume that practical use would be a nightmare. First, after you’ve finished eating your way through there, your partner with a stained and sticky nether region matching your stained and sticky face, belly grumbling about the mass of talc candy you’re forcing it to endure. … Finally, your partner is now wearing the sticky stringy remnants of the candy underwear. Do you push it aside and go to town or awkwardly extract yourself from the sticky, flossy mess before hand? Or do you stop while your partner showers and you try to call your belly with some Pepto before hitting the shower yourself. …”Babe, we may need to finish this tomorrow. I’m dirty, sticky, have a belly ache and I just want to ball up and cry myself to sleep. … In summary, these are awesome! Consider buying the 6-pack!”

Thorough tester

testing sex toy

“Good quality does exactly what I need it for. Extensive testing and trials continue.”

Buzzing Linguist

Buzzing Linguist

“The vibration modes are as follows, forgive my uneducated descriptive terms…

  1. Buzz
  2. BUZZ
  3. B-b-BUZZ
  4. GigiGigiGigi
  5. Pewpewpew
  6. BuzzPewpew
  7. Woody woodpecker laugh
  8. Pew. Pew.
  9. PewbuzzGigi
  10. All of the above”

Rave Review

Rave Review of Sex Toy

“Ladies, Ladies, Ladies. If you do not have this magnificent purple miracle (its actually purple) you need to go out and purchase it right now!!! This thing is *bleeping* awesome. I am talking toe-curling bliss awesome. I am talking not-minding-that-the-boyfreind-goes-out-for-a-night-with-the-boys-because-it-will-leave-me-and-this-toy-alone-together kind of awesome. This thing turned up missing one day (boyfriend’s idea of a joke) and I was ready to call CSI Miami to locate it for me. I LOVE this thing! Yeah, it takes one or two tries to train your fingers to learn the buttons, but that is a minor obstacle. I also love the fact that it does not have that plastic Barbie doll smell to it like jelly vibes do. (this is made of silicone). Again, if you don’t own it, I suggest that you buy it now. You and your significant other will thank yourselves for such a worthy investment.”

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